From Fear to Growth: Making Feedback to “the Boss” Safe and Productive

In large firms, bad leaders are often labelled “psychotic.”  In smaller owner-managed businesses, the label is usually “the boss,” but said with a wry smile that really means “handle with care.”  Behind both descriptions sits a common problem: some leaders have an almost complete inability to process negative feedback.  The instinctive reaction is to deny it, shout it down, or quietly side line it.  In extreme cases, a toxic boss will even seek to remove the person who dares to speak an inconvenient truth.  Leadership without accountability breeds hubris, and hubris always carries the seeds of its own downfall.

The real issue is the fear staff feel when giving feedback to “the boss”. Employees assume that speaking up may harm their careers, sour relationships, or invite retaliation.  As a result, valuable insights never reach the person who most needs them.  The consequences are familiar: blind spots grow larger, poor behaviours are repeated, and decisions are made on partial or misleading information.

Fear manifests in unhealthy ways.  People procrastinate, brood, gossip, or even self-sabotage rather than confront “the boss” with what they really think.  In this silence, both the leader and the organisation are poorer.  But there is an alternative.  Leaders who learn to welcome upward feedback can free themselves from old patterns, identify blind spots, and make better decisions. Employees, in turn, learn that giving feedback is not a risk but a contribution to a healthier workplace.

This is where psychological safety becomes pivotal.  Harvard professor Amy Edmondson defines it as “a shared belief that the team is safe for interpersonal risk taking.”  In practice, that means employees feel able to challenge “the boss”, raise concerns, and admit mistakes without fear of humiliation or punishment. Without psychological safety, upward feedback is suppressed or disguised.  With it, staff can share openly, and “the boss” can listen in good faith.  Leaders who intentionally build psychological safety signal that candour is welcome and they model it themselves by admitting fallibility, thanking people for honesty, and showing they are prepared to change.

Research at Harvard points to a proactive feedback process comprising four steps: 

1. Self-assessment
2. External feedback
3. Absorbing the feedback
4. Taking action toward change

For leaders, the second step is actively seeking feedback from staff and colleagues is the hardest but most crucial.  Leaders must go beyond waiting for comments and instead create deliberate opportunities for staff to speak up.

This is why more frequent feedback conversations are essential. If the only chance to give feedback to “the boss” is a rare 1-2-1 meeting, staff will either stay silent or soften their words to the point of uselessness.  Instead, when leaders hold regular check-ins, open forums, or “skip-level” conversations, feedback becomes normalised and less intimidating.  Frequent, lighter-touch interactions help employees voice concerns early, and they allow “the boss” to act before issues harden into bigger problems.

Trusted colleagues and direct reports are also critical.  When people know they can speak truth without fear of reprisal, they become valuable mirrors.  They help leaders balance self-perception with reality and spot unhelpful patterns whether defensiveness, withdrawal, or blame-shifting.  A wise leader not only invites such feedback but actively rewards it, recognising the courage it takes to speak truth to power.

Critical feedback will always sting, and negative emotions will surface.  The key for “the boss” is to pause, thank the giver, and resist visible defensiveness. Reflecting before responding transforms feedback from a threat into a gift. Leaders who handle difficult feedback calmly show staff that honesty is safe, reinforcing the very culture of psychological safety they want to build.

Ultimately, organisations thrive when leaders welcome feedback from those around them.  Fear gives way to curiosity, and upward feedback becomes a lever for growth.  Leaders who invite, accept, and act on staff feedback not only improve their own performance but also strengthen trust, loyalty, and performance across the organisation.  Over time, employees even come to look forward to those conversations, knowing that speaking up makes both the leader and the business better.